What hangs around can get you down...
By Cinse Bonino
Are you surrounded by doubts? Do your fears stand around and wait for you to make a mistake? Do your parents? How about your friends?
It's time to stop letting fears and worries run (ruin?) your life!
Unfortunately, some of us have parents that judge us very harshly. They expect SO much that we always feel that we can never be good enough. But many others of us have reasonable parents who only want us to do the best we can. But what do we do? We IMAGINE that they are disappointed in us even when the are NOT!!!
This is not a good thing.
The same thing can happen with friends. Hopefully, we all pick friends that we feel comfortable with. Friends we can make mistakes in front of, and yet, often we still worry about what our friends will think about us. EVEN if our friends are always rooting for us!
Ultimately, YOU are responsible for the jury that you create and carry around in your head.
Jury? Yes. The group of voices that you hear in your head that question your performance, your motives, your appearance, EVERYTHING about you. You create them out of your own fears. Out of your perceptions of what others think of and expect from you.
So how can you get a better jury?
First of all, you have to realize that YOU are the judge. You get to wear the robes and bang the gavel and yell, "Quiet in the courtroom!" Sometimes you just have to tell those voices to SHUT UP!!!
How you talk to yourself is very important. You're only crazy if you talk to yourself negatively.
Meanwhile... HOW do you get those voices to stop picking on you!!!
You have to write their lines for awhile. Actually, you have to rewrite their lines. It looks something like this...
head jury: You may as well give up on him ever noticing you. There are far cuter girls he'd probably rather be with. AND you never know what to say when he's around anyway!
your rewrite: If you don't try, you'll never know. You have to be willing to feel a little uncomfortable to find out!
head jury: When you read your story out loud in English class you will make a complete fool out of yourself. They'll probably all go quiet and not know what to say cause it's SO lame.
your rewrite: You wrote about stuff that other kids can relate to. It might not be novel material, but it's going to make kids laugh and maybe even think. Let 'em hear it!
You should be surrounded, NOT like a movie criminal who hears the police yell, "We've got your surrounded! Come out with your hands up." But rather surrounded with good stuff. Good thoughts, good friends, good points of view.
Don't go for the Yes people though. You know the type. They agreed with EVERYTHING you say and do. They tell you that you are wonderful even when you are screwing up. Be realistic, but be HOPEFUL. Learn to trust YOUR OWN judgment. Sure, you WILL screw up sometimes. But, hey, isn't that what learning is all about?
Tell your jury to SHUT UP. Make your OWN decisions. You CAN DO IT!!!!