Find out what you'd do if your friend started dating a jerk!
By Cinse Bonino
You might not pinkie swear nymore, but you probably still DO make promises to your friends. Do you keep them? Now, don't go getting insulted because I asked you that. Everyone breaks a promise now and then. There are times you have to break a promise to help someone. Maybe you find out that your sister is having sex and NOT using protection or using drugs big time and she makes you promise NOT to tell. You realize that she's in serious trouble. I think that kind of promise was made to be broken, don't you? Anyway... the point here is that unless there are VERY unusual circumstances, we all should keep our word.
Long ago, it used to be that no one would ever dream of breaking their word. People didn't bother putting everything in writing or using lawyers to make things legal; they simply shook hands and gave each other their word. Is YOUR word good? Do your friends know that when you say something, you REALLY mean it? Or do you promise and forget?
It's pretty simple to make a promise, a little harder to keep one, but way harder to be the type of friend that keeps promises that haven't ever even been spoken. It's like this... if your friend, Sytha, told you that the new girl, Jade, was way stuck up and then Jade came up to you and said, "You know your friend, Sytha? Well, she acts really weird to me. What's up with her anyway?" You KNOW that Sytha wouldn't want you to tell Jade that she thinks she's stuck up. Sure. Sure. She NEVER asked you not to tell, but you KNOW she wouldn't want you to, so DON'T!!! I know; that was pretty obvious, but unspoken promises aren't always so obvious...
How do YOU see it?
When you say you're are somebody's friend that means that you'll stand by them and be there for them no matter what, right? (If you disagree you may as well stop reading now, because you'll think the rest of this article is whacked.) So... if a good friend decides to choose some loser guy to hang out with and you REALLY think she is making a mistake, what do you do?
Tell her he's a jerk, and expect her to thank you for opening her eyes.
Guess again. She WILL NOT thank you. Remember, she's gaga over this guy and that means that she can NOT see straight. You say he's a jerk and she'll think you're a jerk! You better find another way to help and stand by her.
Tell her he's a jerk and that you don't want to be around any girl who dates trash like that.
Oh, VERY subtle. Now you've called him a jerk AND trash. She'll simply love that. She'll probably tell you that you don't HAVE TO hang around!!! You need to support her to discover who this guy really is. Hope that you're wrong and secretly he's cool, but you can't tell. I know, FAT chance. Oh well. All I can say is that you need to work on your word choice. Try a different approach.
Tell her he's not the best choice; she can do better, maybe she better think this over.
Now THAT is the way to stand by a friend. However, if she still wants to be with this guy, you should stay friends. That doesn't mean you have to lie. If she asks you if you like him, be honest. Gently. Tell her that you're worried that he won' t treat her well, but if she's willing to find out so are you. Then be there with the tissue if she needs you.
Tell her that she's making a HUGE mistake and that if she thinks you're going to stay around and pick up the pieces when things explode, she's mistaken!
Some friend you are. Maybe you're trying to shock her into realizing her mistake, but YOU are the one who's mistaken. She'll probably get mad at you and choose him! Try again.