Making A Spectacle Of Yourself


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Making A Spectacle Of Yourself

teen girl with spectacles - Girl Zone

How you see things can affect your behavior

By Cinse Bonino

A spectacle is an incident or an amazing event. If you are making a spectacle of yourself, then YOU are the amazing event. Often this is not a good thing.

Clowns and comedians get paid to look foolish. Why do so many of us do it for free? Why do we do it over and over? And speaking of foolish, what about our parents. Some of them need to get a clue. What makes them do the things they do? Not to mention the things they SAY in front of boyfriends, potential boyfriends, and really good girl friends.

I think it is because just about everyone is wearing invisible spectacles. (Please don't stop listening to me yet. I am not crazy.)

Spectacles are glasses. Glasses help you to see. To see more clearly. Invisible spectacles help you to see also. They help you to see everything in a certain way. A weird way.

Different people wear different types of invisible spectacles. (It is important to understand that you can be wearing regular glasses or contacts and still be wearing invisible spectacles.)

Let me tell you about a few people that I know who wear invisible spectacles. Maybe you'll recognize someone you know. Maybe you'll even recognize yourself.

My friend Angie's mother wears glasses that make everyone look critical. Critical of her. She is so sure that people are telling her that she isn't good enough. Therefore, she takes everything that people say and do personally. She always hears insults. If one of her daughters says, "That's okay, Mom, I'll iron my own skirt." She replies, "What's the matter, don't you think I know how to iron a skirt? I was ironing skirts before you were born!

Kathy's mom wants everyone to think that she is pretty. She worries whenever Kathy does anything that is unladylike. This means she worries that sports will make Kathy seem less feminine and therefore less pretty. It drives Kathy crazy. Her mom means well. She is trying to give Kathy the best life; it's just based on her value system. Kathy wants to look good, but she thinks of herself as more of a whole person. She wants her body to be strong and graceful. She wants to be smart and creative. And sure, she tries to look her best, but she doesn't worry if she's a sweaty mess at the end of a track meet.

Kathy's mom's spectacles see the world as a place where you need to be considered pretty to get ahead, to survive. She sees everything through these glasses. She even views Kathy's friends as acceptable or undesirable based on how pretty she thinks they are. She figures that if Kathy's friends aren't pretty enough then people might think that Kathy isn't as pretty because she hangs around with them.

Remember glasses are supposed to make you see things better. Clearly invisible spectacles DON'T do that. They cloud the issue. They make EVERYTHING about ONE thing. It might be about people thinking you are good enough or about people thinking you are pretty.

Did you catch the trend here? It's about what other people think. Some of us worry about that a little, and some of us worry about that a lot. It's cool when people like you for who you are. If you act like yourself, there will always be some people who like you and others who think you're just okay, but maybe not someone they really want to get to know better. That's okay. You get to be you. You get to know that people are choosing you because of who you really are.

Of course people can be choosing to be your friend or hang out with you based on what kind of invisible spectacles they happen to be wearing. And we won't even talk about the spectacles that you whip out and put on every now and then! This whole thing is pretty complicated, isn't it?

All that really matters is that you become aware of when you or others are grabbing the shades and changing your view of reality.

Here is something to try with a few friends:

Have someone tell about something that happened to them at home with their parents or maybe out with friends. See if you all can figure out what kind of invisible spectacles some of the people involved might have been wearing. Talk about how things might have been different without those spectacles.

Or grab some sunglasses and use them to represent one kind of invisible spectacles - for example, money is the most important thing in life spectacles. Have two or three girls act out a situation and have the other girls try to guess what kind of spectacles the characters are wearing. Then replay the same situation with different specs.

Remember people usually don't realize that they are viewing the world through invisible spectacles (they are after all, invisible). We can let fear of what other people think of us keep us from acting the way we normally would.

And if we do act weirdly because we're afraid of how people will judge us, they'll still be judging us. It's just that they will be judging us based on this weird invisible spectacle induced behavior.

Talk with friends about the glasses that your parents wear. Try to understand that they probably don't even realize that they have them on. Cut them a break. Consider that even parents have fears. Some they have had since they were your age. That is a long time. You don't want your fears to get that much air time, do you? Try to cut down on your invisible spectacle wearing. Be careful; don't let wearing dark glasses too much ruin your eyes.