I'm just not ready - Emma and Mike
When Emma turned 16, she decided to get a part time job. She submitted applications to tons of retail stores at the mall, but didn’t get any response. A few weeks went by and Emma became discouraged. She hadn’t thought that finding a job would be this difficult. The next day, Emma was driving by a restaurant and decided to stop by to see if they were hiring. Sure enough, the manager asked her to come by for an interview the following day.
Within a week, Emma’s situation had turned around. She was working part time as a hostess at a well-known restaurant. Emma spent the week focused on her school work and the weekends working at the restaurant. She had managed to find a way to stay on top of things and was even able to hang out with her friends once or twice a week after school. Things got even better for Emma when she started talking to Mike.
Mike was a waiter at the restaurant who was hilarious. Every time he walked by Emma, he’d say something that would make her burst into laughter. Mike was 21 and lived in an apartment near the restaurant. Like Emma, he was working and going to school. He seemed like a really sweet guy and it didn’t take long for Emma to have a serious crush on him. Mike seemed to be interested too. He’d bring her little things from the kitchen and compliment her whenever he got the chance. Soon enough the rest of the staff would make comments about the two of them and how in love they were. Emma didn’t mind the comments. She really did like Mike and wanted him to ask her to be his girlfriend. Mike really liked Emma too, but unlike Emma, he had no interest in becoming her boyfriend. He liked being single and wanted to do his own thing.
One night after work, Mike asked Emma if she wanted to check out his apartment and watch a movie or something. Emma was so excited! She immediately said yes and called her mom to let her know she wouldn’t be home until later that night. When Emma got to Mike’s apartment, she was sure that this was the night Mike would kiss her. She imagined him telling her that he was in love with her, wrapping his arms around her, kissing her and cuddling together watching a funny movie.
Mike had a very different idea of what the night would look like. The two of them talked for a little bit in the living room and picked out a movie to watch. A few minutes into the movie, Mike leaned over and started to kiss Emma. Emma melted. She was so happy this was finally happening. Mike then reached his hand under Emma’s shirt and undid her bra. Emma didn’t want Mike to stop kissing her but she didn’t want him to go any further. After a few minutes, it was clear that the two of them were not expecting the same evening. Emma pulled away and said that she wasn’t ready. Mike looked back at her with a confused look.
“What do you mean, you’re not ready?” he asked. Emma stared back at him not sure how to respond. Her palms started to sweat and she was certain she would lose him if she didn’t go through with the evening he had planned.
“I just, well,” she mumbled. “I just would like to wait a little bit. That’s all.”
“Ooookay. How long are we talking?” Mike asked.
“I don’t know. I’m just not ready.” Emma responded.
“Ok. I think you should go then, Emma. I like you but I don’t think we’re on the same page.” Mike said.
“But I like you too. Can’t we try to be on the same page?” Emma pleaded.
Mike looked back at her big brown eyes and couldn’t lie. He explained that it wasn’t going to work and that they could still just joke around at work. Emma left Mike’s house feeling rejected. She cried the entire way home and beat herself up over the fact that she wasn’t ready for sex. She continued to cry once she got home and started to question her decision. Why couldn’t she have just gone through with it? It’s not that big of a deal. Everyone in her class has basically done it. And now she had lost a chance with the one guy she wanted.
Sometimes being true to yourself can end in heartbreak. Sometimes it causes more pain than happiness. This doesn’t mean that you should ignore your truth. Instead, you need to listen to your heart, heed your own intuition and stay aligned with what you want. This isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be REALLY hard to do. At the end of the day, you have to remember that the decisions you make today will have a lasting impact on the adult you become. Don’t make decisions based on what someone else wants. You will only end up regretting it.
Food For Thought: There is no reason to live your life according to what someone else wants or needs. You are your own person and living by your own values is the only way that you will find peace, happiness and fulfillment. Trust me.
Copyright © 2014 by Maggie Steele