"You have to, you're my friend."
Have you ever said those words to anyone? Has anyone ever said those words to you? What exactly does it mean to be a friend anyway? What do you owe your friends? Should you lie for your friends? My name is Samantha, and I have a good friend named, Heather. Heather agrees with the dictionary; she believes that friend means ally. She also has a really heavy definition of the word ally.
Heather believes that because we are friends that I should be willing to do anything for her. And I do mean ANYTHING. It isn't that she wouldn't be willing to do anything for me; it's just that I don't ask her to do the same kinds of things that she asks me to do.
Heather would lie for me anytime, about anything. I feel REALLY uncomfortable when I lie. It makes me feel awful. I hate to do it. Heather asks me to lie all the time. Okay, so I am exaggerating - not ALL the time, but a lot. She asks me to pretend that she is in the shower if her mom calls and wants to talk to her. Not only isn't she in the shower, she's not even at my house. She's out doing something with someone that I don't want to know about. Her mom hasn't ever called here when Heather is only sleeping over for pretend, but sooner or later she will. When she does, I'll have to lie. Can I do it? I don't know. If I don't do it, will Heather still be my friend? If I do do it, will I ever be able to do it again? I think not. There is enough pressure just being a girl. I don't need this, so why do I agree to it?
I really LIKE Heather. We have a blast together, but she expects me to help her to do stuff that I don't agree with. I don't mind that we are different from each other; I just don't want her to expect me to be like her. She doesn't want me to actually DO the stuff she does, but she does wants me to COVER for her when she does it.
I don't want to lose her. I just don't want to lie for her.
What should I do? I talked to my cousin, DeeAnn. She's in college and I can talk to her about anything for two reasons. She won't tell my mom, and she never laughs at me. DeeAnn says that I have two choices. I can either stop being Heather's friend because as Dee Ann says, Heather wants more from me than I am willing to give. She wants me to do and say things that go against what I believe. DeeAnn says that friends don't or at least shouldn't do that to each other. She says I should be more selective about picking my friends.
Or, if I really want to stay friends with Heather I need to set some limits. I need to tell her what I am and what I am NOT comfortable doing. DeeAnn says that a true friend would WANT me to be comfortable. I'm not sure if this would go over well with Heather or not.
The only thing that DeeAnn says that I should definitely NOT do is to keep things the way that they are now. DeeAnn says that I'm not being who I really am with Heather. That means that she isn't really friends with me. She's friends with the person she wants me to be. Secretly, this makes me crazy. DeeAnn says that sooner or later, if I haven't already, I will start to resent Heather because I don't like the things that I do for her. But, DeeAnn says, "Hey get a clue, Samantha, nobody is making you lie. Heather isn't forcing you to do the things you do. Don't blame her. You
Friends or Fiends Quiz
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