Quick ; think of the best teacher that you ever had. They were probably great - friendly, approachable, non-judgmental, all that good stuff. They made you feel safe, challenged, maybe even entertained. This could be the definition of a good parent too. Someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Someone you might even want to be like.

But often in life, the best teachers or rather the people that TEACH us or can teach us the most are NOT people we want to be like, but rather people we REALLY REALLY do NOT want to be like.

Think fairy tales. Think movies. Think watching kids you know make BIG mistakes that you REALLY don't want to make. Think parents (your own or someone else's that you know) - think of watching what those parents do and saying to yourself, I'd never do THAT to my kid.

Sometimes learning from a negative example is a total no-brainer. If a good friend becomes anorexic and ends up in the hospital almost dead; you know that this is something that you definitely do NOT want to copy. No problem.

What should you do if you discover that a friend does have an eating disorder? Find out!

A little harder example might be a friend who is getting beaten by a parent or a step-parent. She hides it well and doesn't tell anyone. One day she is beaten badly enough that she too winds up in the hospital. You wish she would have told someone. Anyone. BUT part of you also identifies with her desire to keep it a secret - to hide a situation she feels ashamed of. Still maybe you would be able to encourage someone else in her situation to seek help. Maybe she taught you that silence isn't necessarily a good thing.

Then there are the sneaky negative lessons. The ones that are soooooo easy to miss, because they irritate, bother, or even enrage you.

We are talking about people who don't seem to have a clue. People who are rude. Who are whinny. Who are bossy. Or who just think that they know it all.

Teachers who are mean instead of helpful.

Girls who think they are better than the rest of the world.

Brothers or sisters that want so much to be noticed that they act like royal pains in the you know what.

Am I saying that this stuff shouldn't bother you? NO WAY. All of the above can make me feel crazy. BUT - when I see someone being rude and I recognize how it makes me feel - I really know that I don't want to make someone else feel that way.

And when I see people choosing to be upset and nasty instead of happy and caring it helps me to decide to NOT spend my life being angry and mean. To choose joy instead.

I've started watching people's choices. It's really helping me to know what I want and what I DON'T want. I think that this is a good thing. Do you?