By Curtis Dean Hall
Let’s face it, girls, life is just one big test. Whether you realize it or not, you have trained your brain to test everything.
You test your pizza. Is it too hot? Too cold? Does it have enough pepperoni on it? Did they forget the extra cheese?
You test your clothes. Without even realizing it, you waltz into your favorite store with a mental checklist that determines the clothes that catch your eye and the ones that make you sigh. Shopping is a highly tuned state of testing. You test to see if a certain piece is…
- The latest fashion trend.
- Looks cute on you.
- Feels good on your body.
- Something no one else will have on, but not so different that it’s geeky.
And then there is the ever-important last checkpoint in the shop-testing process—Does it pass the “my friends think it’s cute” test?
You test your accessories. When you look for just the right accessories to compliment your wardrobe, you are testing. You ask yourself, Are they eye-catching, without being obnoxious? Can I find new ways to put them together that will express my own style? Does everything go together, without looking like I spent too much time making it happen?” And the ever important, “Do my friends think it’s cute?”
You test your makeup. Makeup test 101: “Is it the right color for my eyes? Does it add color, without caking? Will it hide my flaws, without making it look like I am trying to hide anything? It better not give me zits! ”
You test your abilities. You test your abilities as much as you test your looks. “Can I sing? Dance? Tell a great joke? Flirt with the best of them? Solve this tricky calculus equation? Get to the top of my sport?
Talk through a difficult situation with my friends or family? ”
You test your intelligence. Okay, so most of the time your teachers do that. But, even if you didn’t have a single teacher, most of you will be stretching your intellect by trying to find a more efficient way to get a job done so you could have more time to relax. It is highly probable that you’ll challenge yourself to learn how to climb the corporate ladder or start your own business. You may even test your intellect by inventing a new craze or a cure for cancer.
By now, you get the idea. You were born to test. Even when you don’t know you’re testing, you are still testing. The quality of your life directly depends on the quality of your testing procedure.
NOW, it is time to build your intimate relationships the same way—by developing a quality Guy-detector Test!
Yes, you talk about guys, dream about guys, even tell stories and cuss about guys, but have any of you figured out guys? The reason most guys seem so mysterious and perplexing is that most of you girls don't do the test.
You simply “let nature take its course.” Of the thousands of girls I have talked to over many years , I have found that most girls do NOT have a very reliable test for guys. Usually, your guy-detector test only includes two criteria.
The only questions you ask yourself when guy-testing are:
1. Is he cute?
2. Does he make me feel good?
Admit it, girls, a testing procedure that is this limited doesn’t pass the test! Every time you fail a guy-detector test, it puts you at serious risk of experiencing something far worse than just a waste of your precious time; it puts you in the position of possibly getting your heart broken or being forced into doing something against your will.
How To Spot A Player
The one thing all players have in common is—they got game!Players spend countless hours practicing the skill of building you up and making you feel like the only girl in the world. Part of you wants to believe him, but most of you knows he is just trying to “score.” When on a player’s home turf, it’s important to remember he views every interaction with you as a competition. To him, it is all about winning and losing.
A player’s rules of the game are really quite simple:
1. He wins when-
a. You start to play the game (in his mind, this means you are giving him the chance to win you).
b. You have sex with him (and become yet another one of his trophies to brag about).
2. He loses when-
a. You don’t play his game.
b. You don’t have sex with him.
c. You require anything from him.
d. You catch him playing the same game with other girls.
3. The game is over when-
a. You refuse to play by his rules.
Anytime your heart is soaring through the goalposts, but your gut is screaming for a time-out, don’t dropkick your good judgment…let your gut blow the whistle, and slow things down until you can catch your breath.
Players always play games. He is probably a player if you spot these moves:
- Smooth talkin’- If it sounds too good to be true…it probably is. Flattery is a player’s first move to conquering you. Every player knows that the quickest way to hot sex is through sweet talk. What he may not know is that telling you things just to manipulate you is a sign of an underdeveloped or sick personality.
- Jugglin’- Quite often, a girl will hear from other girls that a guy has a rep for having so many girlfriends, he has to juggle not only the girls, but his schedule, his lies, his hangouts and alibis. What a player is really juggling here, however, is his deep insecurity.
- Stylin’- If it takes an unreasonable amount of time for a guy to get ready to go out in public, you catch him primping every time you turn around or he spends too much money on his clothing, he may be a player. Players use their looks and prestige to gain an advantage, dominate their competition, and win you. They also have an overwhelming need to look like a winner to everyone they meet. Great looks on the outside make up for all the confusion and turmoil they feel on the inside.
- Cheatin’- He has cheated on you before, but talked you into “forgiving and forgetting.”Players cheat because they are terrified of making a commitment.
- Lyin’- You have caught him in more than one lie about where he has been and who he has been with. He will never let you check his voicemail, email or text messages…just ask him! All players lie. It is as much a part of their game as shooting a three-pointer is to a star basketball player.Using deception as a tactic in any relationship shows immaturity and a serious lack of character.
- You know you have been caught in a player’s smooth-talkin’ game when you end up…
CRYIN’- When you fall for a player, you end up the loser. Losing isn’t any fun. It hurts, so don’t be surprised when you spend as much time in tears as you do in his arms.
By now you are ready for some good news........
The good news is THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF NICE GUYS OUT THERE! Believe it, or not, if you don’t settle for the first hunk who attracts your attention, you’ll find lots of cute guys who will make you feel good, not to manipulate you, but because they care about you and want you to be happy. These are guys who will treat you with respect and make you feel like you just won the Superbowl of romance. Don’t waste your time on a player.Your heart deserves a champion!
"With all of the players out there, how can a girl spot them before they break her heart? Introducing the breakthrough book of the year for girls of all ages- "A Girl's Guide to Psychos, Players, Punks and Pervs: How to Become the Ultimate Guy Detector" by C. Dean Hall M.S., LCMFT. Do you know- *The four types of guys most likely to break your heart? *The most common lies from guys? *Why hookups create headaches? *Which date rape drug most girls take willingly? *The easiest way to stay safe at parties?
About C. Dean Hall: C. Dean Hall spent 20 years teaching in public schools and another two decades as a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist. After one of his beloved students was kidnapped, raped and murdered on January 7th, 2007, he has made it his life's work to find ways to help girls stay safe and have fun as they look for love.