What should I look for in a guy?
Hey, I'm Cass, and I've never had a boyfriend before. Sure I've had my fair share of crushes and infatuatuons, but never a legit boyfriend... I am the only girl in my house, and living with an overprotective father (part of the reason I've never hooked up before) and a loudmouthed little brother makes it difficult for me to find anyone to talk to with out getting a dreadful overreaction. So I was wondering what I should take into consideration when dating someone for the first time.
Being 16, I am surrounded by all the drama of the breakups and mishaps of my friend's relationships, and I've never been one for the dramatic stuff, so I was wondering what I should look for in a guy before dating him. What is going to be problematic in the future? How do I choose a good spot to have our first date? I already have a guy in mind, I'm friends with his older sister and her boyfriend, and I go to work with all of them.
My manager was once fooling aroud and cracking jokes about me liking this guy and asked this guy if he would go to the movies with me. The guy said yes and smiled, and that made me very, VERY happy; even though I was beyond embarassed. But there's one little problem. My life has been... Unfriendly toward me to say the least. So I have major trust issues, I'm always thinking someone is joking when they give me a compliment, or they're saying it because they have to, And that any one of my friends is on the verge of stabbing me in my back. so If a guy says he'll see a movie with me, he's gotta be kidding, right?
I'm sorry for babbling, I am not very good at talking..
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Hi Cass! I think you express yourself extremely well. Great questions, there are a lot of girls wondering the same things! Unfortunately, some girls just go for a guy because he's cute, which can lead to problems. I would like to encourage you to look for not only a cute guy, but one who has a great personality. So, ask yourself, what is important to you? Kindness, loyalty, honesty, a good sense of humor, a positive attitude, ambition etc. are all fabulous qualities to look for in a boyfriend.
I like to explain it this way to girls. Think about your best friend and what you love about her. You might say, "I can tell her everything, she's always there for me, she's creative and fun." Well, these must be important traits to you, so look for them in a guy.
I believe there are 3 main things that account for a lasting relationship. #1. Attraction #2. Friendship #3. Committment When you have all three, it is a recipe for success. So, you want to look for a guy that you are physically attracted to, who you can have fun and laugh with, and who also is willing to commit to only you. We can't know 100% when we meet someone if the relationship will last or be drama-free, but once someone is giving you signs that they're not who you thought or if you spend more time fighting then feeling happy, be strong enough to move on. Each relationship is a learning experience that teaches us something about what ourselves and what we want in a partner.
A good first date spot depends on both of your interests, but choose somewhere you can talk and get to know each other better. Going out to dinner, meeting at a coffeeshop or for icecream, or attending a school game are always good options. If you want to get creative, try something more original. If you're both into art, try a museum, or if you like music, how about a concert? It's fun to do something active, cause it takes your mind off of the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Mini golfing, go carting, and amusement parks are super fun first dates to get your hearts racing.
I understand that the events in your life have caused you to have difficulty trusting others. Remember though, just because people have let you down in your past does not mean all people will let you down in your future. I suggest talking with your school counselor to help you deal with the things that have hurt you in your life.
Please work on building your self confidence because you have to feel great about yourself and feel "whole" before you can be in a healthy relationship. Post positive affirmations in you room, in your locker and on your mirror that encourage positive thoughts, like "You're beautiful". What do you like about yourself, what are your talents or good qualities? Make a list and look at everyday to remind yourself how special you truly are and how lucky any guy would be to have you in his life. :) Keep me posted Cass!
ps Check out my blog at ask-erica.com/advice for more relationship tips!
GZ Advisor
