Last school year, I started dating this guy who I REALLY liked, but then he told me he got high, so I broke up with him because I didn't want to be around that kind of stuff. We started texting each other about 2 months after we broke up, and then we just stopped talking all together. He quit drugs and is now sober, and I like him alot again. He hasn't talked to me since and I was wondering if I should text him first? Ronnerz
I really admire you for having such strong beliefs about being drug free and for sticking to them! It's hard when someone you care about is using drugs. People won't stop using just because someone tells them to(even if it's someone really special to them). They have to stop on their own because THEY want to. It seems you realized that and were confident enough to walk away. Your values and beliefs in what is right and wrong will take you far in life. I think it is totally fine to make the first move and find out how your ex is doing, but be cautious. If he is sober, he will hopefully understand why you had to break up with him and maybe this will be the second chance he needs. Keep in mind, it is very difficult for people to completely give up on drugs once they have started. You seem like a smart girl, so pay close attention to see if he has truly stopped. If you think he still might be using, encourage him to get help. He could reach out to a trusted family member, coach, or a school counselor. Also, there are support groups to help him stay sober, like Narcotics Anonymous. Check it out at NA.org. I wish you both the best! Keep me posted.
Dear GZ Advisor,
I am lost. I went down a bad path, I made the wrong friends and decisions. But now, I have tried to move on from all of that, and I am somewhat successful. You see, I am nearly clean, but there's Steven. With him, I guess he's the one addiction that I can't break. I feel like he is the reason that I am alive right now. When I would drink at parties, he was the one to yell at me and take me back to his place. That was good, I didn't need to drink anymore. But if it weren’t' for my friends, I never would have known that he was as intoxicated as I was and that he had dragged me there in the first place. I need out of this toxic relationship, and I swear I have tried, but he pulls me back in. I get all of my drugs and alcohol from him, and with my trouble at home, it feels right. I need help, serious help. But I live in a town where I can't get any of that, no YMCA, no youth groups, nothing. Please help me. I am lost. Mikayla
I feel the desperation in your words and I wish I could look at you straight in the eyes because I would tell you confidently that YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS. You said you've gone down a wrong path and you're starting to find your way back by getting clean. You will need all the strength and support you can get to completely find your way back. YOU might have to be that source of strength and support if you have toxic friends and family problems. You're reaching out for help, so I know you are a smart girl who wants more for herself..and you deserve more.
The drugs take away the pain, at least for a night. But what happens when you wake up the next day? Your problems are still there. I can tell this is not the life you had planned for yourself. The time is now to take control. Right now, your allowing the drugs, alcohol and Steven to control you. And where is this getting this you? Nowhere, they're just holding you back.
If you are serious about ending your addictions, all of them (including Steven)then there are people out there to help. Are you in school? Please talk to your school counselor or nurse or reach out for help and make the call.
National Youth Crisis Hotline: 800-442-HOPE (4673)
Please keep me posted.
All the best, GZ Advisor
Update - Hey, it's me again... So I live in a really small town, so there is only an elementary and a high school. That's it. And that school is so small that the counsler only works 3 hours a day and my cousin is with her. There is no nurse either. I really am sorry that I am asking you for help and ideas with very little to work with, and I really do appreciate it. Next time, feel free to ask me what there is to work with (specifics), so that I can make things as easy as possible for you.
So, I broke up with Steven, but it didn't last long. I ended up getting back with him at a party when I was under the influence of both drugs and alcohol. The next day I believed he'd changed, and of course I was wrong. How can I push away for real? Thank you so much for your concern, it feels nice to know that somone is there for me.
Iit's so great to hear from you! I'm proud of you for trying to stand up to your addiction and make better choices. It's not going to be easy, but everytime you fall, pick yourself back up. I sense you are a strong girl who will keep trying. The key is to stay motivated. Take some time to think about what is motivating you to to want to kick your habit and your toxic relationship. Is it your health, your relationships, your future, your happiness?? Learn from others mistakes who were not able to stop using, such as celebs like Heath Ledger, Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston. Drugs took away absolutely everything from them. You said you have a counselor at your school. Leave a note for her about your situation in her office. I don't care if she is only there for 3 hours. You matter and it is her job to help you. She will be able to better guide you in the right direction toward services in your town that can help you. Please talk to her and let me know how it goes.
Some changes YOU can make is to shift your focus from partying to school, sports, art, writing or whatever else interests you. Start setting goals for your future and reading books about potential careers. Maybe get a part time job if possible. Anything to get your mind off your problems and away from all things holding you back. Keeping you in my thoughts and please know, all of us at GirlZone(including all the readers) are here for you. :)