Looks Count


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Looks Count

Dear GZ Advisor,
Everybody is saying that looks don't count, to look inside, you're special (you know what I mean). It's not that I want it to be that way (I'm not perfect myself), and I don't mean to bring anyone down, but it's all about looks in this world (at least with guys, most of them). If you want to be popular you've got to be pretty whether it's at school or somewhere else. I'm really sorry about the situation and if I could change it I would, but I can't.

I'm not talking about friends. You don't need to be pretty for your friends (at least the not-popular girls... the popular girls, they don't want to be seen with you if you don't fit in), or family. But to be cool or get a guy you like you must be Miss perfect. I'm sorry, but we need to be realistic, and I don't think telling yourself you are fine is going to change what others think about you if that's what you're trying to do. That's not a way to change it. I don't know of a way!
Signed GZ Sharon

Dear GZ Sharon,
We're glad you wrote in about this concern since lots of girls worry about their looks and whether they're pretty enough to get a guy or be cool. In fact, some people get so obsessed about their appearance, they spend most of their time (and money) trying to improve their looks. Some girls even develop life-threatening eating disorders because they want a perfect body!

It's healthy to care about your appearance in terms of general well-being (fitness, good eating habits, and cleanliness). It's unhealthy to be so consumed about looks that most of your energy gets focused outward (on what other people think of you) rather than inward (on what you believe about yourself).

You are perceptive in noting that friends and family don't care how you look. They love you for WHO you are not WHAT you look like.

Here are some questions to think (or write) about that may help you see that although you can't change what other people think, you can change how you feel about yourself.

With respect to getting a guy
-- do you really want a guy who wants you mostly for what you look like? A guy who isn't a true friend or someone who accepts you for who you are? A guy who isn't interested in you as a person?

Is being cool or popular really as desirable as you think?
What might you lose if you focus your energy on looks instead of what kind of person you are? Is what you lose (your self-esteem for one thing) worth it? Do you think the popular kids have perfect lives? (If so, you're mistaken. They're human, too, and they have problems, worries, fears, good and bad days just like everyone else.)

Often, when people want to be popular, or part of the in crowd, what they really want is to feel good about themselves. And feeling good about yourself, and life in general, comes from doing good work (at school, home, and in the community), being a trustworthy friend, and being a person you can be proud of. And when you focus your energy and attention on what's inside, you don't worry as much about what other people think.

A couple appropriate clichés come to mind (and remember, clichés are clichés because they're true!):

Beauty is only skin deep.
You can't judge a book by its cover.

If you keep these things in mind you won't be Miss Perfect which is perfectly fine. No one is perfect. We think it would be best if you would be just the way you are!

Take Care GZ Advisor


Dear GZ Advisor,

My mom is VERY strict about guys!  Yet I can go on group dates!  My dad and stepdad are very unsupportive and say if they ever come near me they'll get it!  So my mom and i have been keeping it a secret.   Why do they have to be so unsupportive?  I'm 13!  I also want to know why I get rejected!  I'm told by everyone ( even strangers) that I am stunningly beautiful! I want to believe them, but i get rejected and once again think I'm "unattractive".


Hey Lizza,

Parents have different rules about what is an acceptable age to start dating. Some parents won't let their daughters go on dates until they're 16, so I think it's pretty cool that you can go on group dates. Your  parents aren't trying to make your life miserable, they just might be protective or want you to focus on other parts of your life-like school, sports and your girlfriends. Group dates are a great way to get to know your guy friends better and there is no pressure to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. So, have fun and don't forget to remind yourself about all the amazing things about your life.

You seem to be very focused on your looks, but remember that beauty on the outside is not the only thing that matters. Inner beauty, how we act and treat others, is so important, too. People will find us more attractive and want to be around us if we are friendly, kind and have a wonderful personality.

There will be times when our crush doesn't feel the same way about us. Just because he might not be into you does not mean you aren't a fabulous girl, it just means that you two aren't a good fit. Rejection is not easy for anyone, but learning to deal with it can help soften the blow. Try not to take it personally. Confidence is key and it sounds like you need to start believing in yourself more! Try this activity...Make a list of 5 things you like about yourself. Post it in your room or locker and remind yourself how great you are everyday. "Smile, you're beautiful".

GZ Advisor


Dear GZ Advisor,

I am really worried. I am a lot shorter than all of my friends and I am SERIOUSLY way too skinny. I am also really underweight. My parents say to focus on being taller, because I can gain weight anytime. My friends ALWAYS say to eat more, but nothing's working.
I have a flat chest, but my boobs are starting to grow a little bit, and I'm the only girl in my year who doesn't wear a bra! I'm scared to talk to my mom about it, so I don't think I'll be getting one anytime soon. I also want my period - really badly. My best friend has already got hers and I feel like an outcast around my friends.
What should I do? Esha

Dear Esha,

Slow down girl! It sounds like you want to rush into all these changes, but your body isn't ready, yet. Every girls' body is different, but don't worry-your time will come when you will grow, gain weight and get your period. I'm not sure how old you are, but it sounds like you may not have hit puberty, yet. Trust me, it will happen soon. All you can do now is eat healthy, exercise and how about asking mom for a training bra? Believe me, she knows the day is coming soon, so there's no reason to be nervous to talk to her about this kind of stuff. She was your age once. As much as you hate to hear this the other thing you have to do is be patient. Stressing over it does no good and doesn't make it happen quicker! My advice is to put your focus on other things, like sports, music, art, friends etc. Oh yes, and how about that pesky thing called schoolwork? LOL. Get your mind on other things and you'll forget about your insecurites because you'll be living life and having fun! I also want you to look in the mirror and remind yourself how beautiful, smart and talented you are. ;)

GZ Advisor



Dear GZ Advisor,

I always ask a boy out and they always turn me down.I think it has something to do with my weight or my look. If there’s a fast and easy way to do something please tell me. My friend says just be who you are and find somebody who likes you for who you are. I don’t know what to do please help!   Alison

  Hi Alison!

First off, I love your confidence! That's so cool you have no problem asking guys out. Believing in yourself is very attractive. So, good for you. I'm sorry you have been turned down; rejection is painful. On the bright side-You're lucky to have such a supportive and smart best friend! She's right - when the time is right you will meet someone who likes you for exactly who you are.

You said you would like to lose weight. I suggest talking with your Dr. about what is a healthy weight for your height and body type. I think EVERYONE should try to exercise and eat healthy. So, why not find a sport or activity you enjoy like soccer, dance or yoga and have fun while getting in shape! Maybe you and your best friend can make healthy meals together or encourage your parents to buy more fruits and veggies to snack on. The important thing is to make these changes for YOU and not just to get a boy to notice you. Best of luck...let me know how things go. :)

 GZ Advisor