Bullying

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Bullying

teen girls bullying - Girl Zone

Dear GZ Advisor,

What to do if you’re always getting picked on everyday by a high schooler you barely know but she wants to fight do you run and go find a adult or do you fight back in your own way?  Taylor

Hi Taylor,

So sorry you have to go through this. Some people pick on others because they've been bullied themselves or because they feel insecure. It doesn't matter why they do it though, because they NEVER have the right to bully others. You've reached out for help by turning to me and I'm so proud of you. It takes courage to stand up for yourself. Now, you need to reach out to adults at your school or wherever this is occurring. You should tell your parents, too. When this girl approaches you, try firmly telling her you are not going to have anything to do with this. Walk away and try to have some friends stand by your side and support you. Try not to give this girl a reaction, because thats what she wants. Good luck, let me know how things go. Please check out my site, which gives more advice on dealing with bullying at ask-erica.com/advice .

GZ Advisor

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Hey ladies! I wanted to share a poem that one of my 8th grade students wrote about bullying. She said that although she feels lonely at school and bullied, she knows there are many people who care about her and she chooses to focus on the good things in her life. Her motto is "Forget the bad, think positive. " I love that.

I just want all the haters to go away,

all the pain I receive every single day

hurts me in every possible way,

but I know in the end 

everything will be okay.

~Anahi

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Dear GZ Advisor,

It all started when i was sitting at the break-time in my school ... Some girls in the 9th grades wanted me to leave my seat cause they used to sit there everyday . I refused of coarse cause its not theirs or sth . Its school property and sure am free to sit anywhere i like .. so they kept bothering me and they brought some boys to force us to leave .. i left angry and i talked to the principle and he was going to suspend them .. after that the girls stopped bothering me but the boys didn’t .. they cursed me and said some rumors that i kissed a boy .. i avoided them but they just don’t stop that . What can i do .. please help me am desperate :(   Nadine

Hey Nadine,

So sorry you are going through this. It sounds like the girls were bullying you, but the principal took care of it. Now that the boys are harassing you, I suggest telling the principal if it continues. They do not have the right to treat you like that and they are breaking school rules. My basic advice to deal with bullying is to stand up for yourself in a positive way by telling them to stop, walking away, find a group for safety in numbers, look to friends for support you and tell an adult. Hope things get better.

GZ Advisor  

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Dear GZ Advisor

I know this kind of sounds racist buuuut i cant hold it in when
my friends and i walk home a group of african american boys and girls
attack us and asks us things like, "r u to white to do (things i cant
even repeat)" i really need help and im not rying to sound bad but it
scares me a bit. My friend emma went home crying when they started to do things
like have gang signs on ther hands and chants i reeeeeally need help.   Clare

Dear Claire,

If there is ever an uncomfortable situation like that where you feel like you are in danger or
it is upsetting enough to reduce you to tears you should really approach an adult about it. 
If they are being mean to you, regardless of race, it isn’t right and something should be done.
Any type of gang like that should be reported, you should feel safe walking home without
harassment. Talk to your parents and school guidance counselor and see what they can do to
make sure you feel safe.

GZ Advisor

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Dear GZ Advisor,
Since 6th grade, I have bullied by almost EVERYONE at my school. I've tried my absolute best to be nice, but they still bully me and that makes me mad. I tried standing up for myself, but it just made everything worse. They called me names and spread rumors about me. They also made fun of how I look and whenever I stutter. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help!  Miriam

Hi Miriam,

Thank you so much for reaching out and asking for help. It takes alot of courage to tell someone you are being bullied. There are so many girls out there feeling the same way as you, so it's great you're speaking up.

First off, no one has the right to treat others badly and no one deserves to be bullied. I commend you for trying to be nice even when they were not because it takes a strong person to do that. You also did the right thing to try to stand up for yourself. I encourage my students to stand up for themselves in a positive way. Making rude comments or fighting back will only make the problem bigger. I encourage students to firmly tell the bully, "Stop, what you're doing is not cool". Walking away, ignoring them or finding other kids to hang out with can also sometimes help. It sounds like you have tried these strategies, so now I think you need to talk to your teacher, parent or school counselor. If you don't tell them, they won't know what's going on. They have the power to help you end the bullying.  

Other things to try..participate in sports, clubs or school activities; its a great way to socialize and build friendships. Talk to your school counselor about starting an anti-bullying committee at your school. Also, join outside activities at the YMCA or Park District to meet new kids that go to different schools. There is a whole big world out there filled with plenty of people who will respect you, share your interests and would love to be your friend. Keep me posted! 

Check out these websites for more info on dealing with bullying:

http://ask-erica.com/advice/?page_id=39

http://www.pacerteensagainstbullying.org/#/home

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GZ Advisor,

So this year at my school has sucked and I don't know what to do about it. There are all these rumors going around about me and NONE of them are true but everyone still believes them! I don't know what to do! I get laughed at and called dirty things all the time and I really want to just drop school but I know I can't do that or switch schools. I have talked to my teachers and the discipline dean and they said that they have to "witness" it in order to get these boys in trouble and the boys know that so they never do anything around teachers. I just don't know what to do last month I resorted to self harm and then that got old so I stopped and now I just talk to people but there is still nothing that they can do. PLEASE HELP!!!!!  Cat

Dear Cat,

I think you are a brave girl; asking for help and not giving up shows your strength. These boys do not have the right to disrespect you like this and they certainly should not have the power to make you harm yourself. Cutting or harming yourself is never an option. You will only feel worse in the end. Remember, you do have some control in this situation, even though it might not feel like it. It is YOUR choice if you let these bullies have so much power over your emotions and actions. You said self harm "got old," but please seek the help of a professional counselor. They can help you find positive ways to cope, so you don't go back down a bad path. Communicating and healing through words, art, writing, music or sports really can help you deal. Having the support of a counselor at school could also aid you in dealing with these boys. A counselor might have some useful ideas and maybe he/she can talk with the school dean. I'm a school counselor and one of my students was being bullied. I encouraged her to stand up for herself and after she did, it really built her confidence. She had the fabulous idea to start an anti-bully club and asked me to sponsor it. Why not be the leader of his cause at your school?

Have you told your parents or guardians about this? They might need to step in and work as a team with your school administration. Also, be proactive, CSI style. :) If they want proof, print out any evidence of cyber bullying, like rude coments on facebook. Your cellphone is probably attached to you, right? You or a friend could videotape or record them in the act of bullying. Most importantly, you and your true friends know the rumors are lies. Try to focus on the good aspects of your life, instead.

You are not alone and there are people out there fighting for you. Check out this video: http://youtu.be/kU8psvxaAOc

Please keep me posted! Much love!

GZ Advisor

Also read this Inside Out Article called Weeping Willow's Secret Pain