Best Friend and Crush

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Best Friend and Crush

Dear GZ Advisor,

I've liked my best friend, Matt, for a long, long time. a couple months ago we started hanging out a lot, not like boyfriend and girlfriend or anything, but we had a "thing." before long my other bestie, Allison, told me she likes him, too. she flirts with him all the time, and although this hurts me, i dont say anything because i dont want to hurt her. i tried to forget about him, but i found that i couldnt. i started thinking about him all the time. my grades went down, causing me to get seriously stressed out. Matt and i had a fight last month, causing him to not want to talk to me anymore. we fought over Allison. i had told him how i felt, and he said i was over-reacting, and he didnt want anything to do with me. he and Allison are currently going out, and both wont talk to me. i am really hurt over this, as i've lost both best friends, and i try to tell myself that it's silly to get worked up about this over a guy, but i still think about him, and i still feel like i want him back. i dont know what to do. should i move on? should i try to fix this?i feel that i am indeed over-reacting, and i need to get a life. but i thought i'd get some answers from an adult.

thanks for your time to read this,
- Rose

 

Dear Rose,

 I'm so sorry you're going through this. It had to be so difficult to lose 2 of the closest people to you. You have strong feelings for Matt, so its normal to be upset seeing him with your BFF and not "overreacting". Unfortunately, you have to accept their relationship if you want to salvage your friendships with them. It will be hard to hang out with him because those "feelings" don't just disappear. So, you may want to try to make up with Allison first. If they are not willing to reconcile, you have to accept that although they may have been important people in your past, it's time to move on and meet other important people who will be a part of your future.

As far as Matt goes, I want to encourage you to let him go. Trust me, I know its easier said than done, but I can confidently say CAN DO IT. Girls and women everywhere have been faced with heartbreak and in time have gotten through it with the help of distractions and realizations. You have to seek support in other friends, family, sports, writing, a job etc. Find something that takes your mind off him and do your best to smile again. I highly recommend talking to a school counselor, also. That's what I do for a living and I think he or she can really help you. Second, you have to believe that you deserve to be with a guy who WANTS to be with you. Matt chose to be with Allison and thats okay. You will find a great guy who chooses YOU. In the mean time, you have to focus on being the best Rose you can be by building your confidence, finding your passions, planning for your future. School work is a great distraction and its preparing you for college or the next step in your life. You will get through this and you're going to come out on the other side, a stonger, wiser and more confident girl. Let me know how you're doing...

GZ Advisor

ps Check out my blog for more tips on getting over a boy at ask-erica.com/advice and click on "relationships".

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GZ Advisor,

My friend's boyfriend is like my bestfriend and i told him i have a crush on him and he's telling me that he loves me. What should i do ? I don't want to hurt my friend.

Karla

 

Dear Karla,

Oh my, this is not a good situation to be in..caught between your crush and your best friend. I'm going to be honest with you. Your friend will be hurt if she finds out you two like each other, but I think what will hurt most is that this is going on behind her back. This guy obviously doesn't have strong feelings for her, so maybe he should break up with her and quit leading her on. Let her move on and meet a guy who loves her. Out of respect for your bestfriend, you shouldn't start dating this guy right away. Let some time pass and then decide if you still want to be with him. You might want to talk to her about it. I believe friendships last much longer than most relationships with guys, so choose wisely. 

GZ Advisor

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